All Wrapped Up

I don't remember being this tired on the last day of school ever. I'm hoping it's a sign of how busy the last week has been and not a sign of how old I'm getting. All the graduations did make for lots of late nights and the last two days were physically more demanding than most, with field day and moving all the classroom furniture into the hallway. I came home from the staff party and took a two hour nap. I could have fallen back asleep, but decided sleeping tonight was more important than feeling fully rested this evening.

I was so tired during the variety show yesterday that I had to get up and walk around about halfway through in order to keep myself from nodding off. And I love the variety show at this school.  There are some very talented kids who play instruments or sing every year. This year there was a first grade girl who sang with precision and technique, on key all the way through her song. There are also several silly skits and many classes do something that is open to every student who wants to join.  Parent involvement is high, but the best part is that everyone is well supported, cheered for, and made to feel like their performance was amazing. It takes a lot of courage to get up there without any real performance experience, but every year kids do and walk away with their confidence intact, or even boosted.

A parent and staff member leading preschoolers

in the Gummy Bear dance.

As busy as the last week of school was for me, my students wrapped up the year watching Duck Tales from the 1980s during any significant down time we had this last week.  By Tuesday they were asking to watch even when there was clearly not enough time to get through one 22 minute episode. By Thursday they came in singing the theme song and everyone sang along with it at the start of each new episode. I'll have to remember this for next year - it certainly kept the kids motivated to finish tasks or clean quietly in order to be able to watch even partial episodes.

So much fun to hear them all singing along.

I'm surprised that my emotional state has been pretty even. I felt some sense of loss when I read thank you cards written by the sixth graders made during one of their last social studies classes. Most cards did a great job of thanking me for something specific or referring to something I taught during the past four months. And walking through the hallways for the last time today, after I turned in my keys, produced some sadness. But as I was on my way to the staff party, it didn't last long.

I am so grateful I had the opportunity to return to this school and make a positive difference for the community during a very challenging circumstance. Several fifth graders and their families expressed disappointment that I won't be in the sixth grade homeroom position next year. Several families of students I taught this year expressed gratitude at my writing instruction and disappointment that I won't be continuing. The principal said she felt like she was going to cry when she said goodbye to me in front of the school. The whole experience has been very healing and confidence building for me.

I'm very excited about next year. I can't wait to get back into my own classroom and join a new team. It's going to be great.

The Last Week

This year I have four graduations to attend within the space of week. Three are eighth grade graduations for local Catholic schools where I have worked, and one is a high school graduation for my niece in the Portland area. The first graduation was on Thursday night, followed by a crazy drive south on Friday for the second one, in the midst of some intense spring rain, during heavy traffic, with a deadline to see my niece graduate. We made it, but just barely. Seriously - my brother in law has video of us cutting across the field just past the barrier meant to stop us seconds before the graduates walk out. Or so I'm told... I haven't actually seen the video. Today was the day after graduation number three, the day before graduation number four. So when a co-worker saw me after I took my turn in the center of carpool after school this afternoon, and told me I looked like I needed a nap, I wasn't offended, and I totally believed her.

Yesterday a new tradition was born at the school where I've been subbing since February. The graduating eighth graders sat facing the rest of the school while the principal read their favorite memories of each grade level. After each set of memories was read, current students from that grade came up and delivered a handmade gift to each eighth grader. Most of the building is getting new furniture next year, and the science teacher/7th grade homeroom teacher worked with her 2nd grade buddy class to decorate the lab stools that otherwise would have been thrown out. They gave the graduating class a survey of likes and dislikes and turned it into a poem read aloud to the whole school by the super cute, eight year old second graders, and incorporated into the decorations on the stools. I'm sure every student who ever sat on one of those stools but didn't get one is jealous that there weren't enough to go around. I'm a little jealous!

In the midst of all of the graduations and regular school duties plus end of the school year traditions, I am of course, trying to close out the school year in someone else's classroom. It's both harder and easier than closing out my own room. I want to make sure everything I'm putting away will be found again, and I'm not sure what I should throw away/recycle vs. file away. But I'm also taking back the mental mantle of "I'm just a sub" in a big way. It became necessary when I got an email telling me I needed to turn my keys in "by Friday." I literally laughed out loud when I read that. Friday is the last day of school. If I prioritize report cards and cumulative record cards, the room might not actually be ready before I've been told my keys to the building need to be out of my hands. I can do what I can do with the time I have left, and then I'll gladly hand over my keys. Sorry (not sorry) summer cleaning crew. Sorry (not sorry) next year's teacher.

I've exchanged personal contact information with the members of the middle school team I'm leaving and the staff there continue to express disappointment (and understanding) that I won't be returning next year. I've made plans to meet up with several former co-workers over the summer. I'm ready for next week when I get to sleep in and only have to worry about my boys, my house, my dog.

But I'm very excited for next year too. I've worked with the current middle school team for about four months, and know I have made an impact on them. Last night my former principal expressed a sincere interest in working with me again. I was also told by a teacher at my former school that I showed the teachers there "what kids are really capable of" and raised the bar for their teaching expectations.  (I'm pretty sure I'm going to be using that particular compliment to feed my soul for years to come.)  I love what I do, and apparently I'm pretty good at it.

That should sustain me through the final graduation, field day, the variety show, and moving desks out of classrooms on the last day, right?

Decisions, Decisions

I spent the weekend discerning where I want to be next school year. The recovery of the teacher I am currently subbing for continues, slow and steady. I was offered the position for which I interviewed last week. The call came on Thursday evening, and I asked for the weekend to decide. Going into the weekend I was convinced that staying put was the logical decision, but the emotional side of me wanted to strike out on a new adventure. I didn't understand the emotional pull.  Actually, I still don't understand it.

I went out to dinner with my husband on Friday night to talk without the kids overhearing the maybes and taking them as definitelys. I left the restaurant convinced I would accept the offer of the new position on Monday morning. But on Saturday morning, as I sat in front of my plan book trying to fit in the remaining lessons among the end of year schedule interruptions, my heart grew heavy at the idea of leaving the community for a second time. The emotional pull flipped to the school where I spent the majority of my career, and had (once upon a time) thought I would stay for the remainder of it. 

Throughout the application and interview process, I remained convinced that staying put, if possible, was the commonsense decision. I believed that "on paper" - if I were to make a list of pros and cons - the current school with the sub job would win. But the gut feeling that going somewhere new was the right choice had been there from the moment I read about the job opening at the new school. The flip in my gut feeling on Saturday morning made me decide to sit down and actually write out the pros and cons of each position. I knew that there really wasn't a "wrong" decision or a bad choice, but I had to make a decision. 

I turns out, I can't think of a single specific con related to the new position, just a bunch of unknowns. The biggest unknown is the principal, who has yet to be hired for next school year. I'm perfectly aware that the unknowns are rife with possibility for several cons, but they are also rife with possibility of at least as many pros. On paper, the new position won out. I was very surprised. 

I signed a contract for next school year at the new school today. The outgoing principal took me on a tour and I was able to at least shake hands with two of the teachers on the middle school team I am joining. I'm very excited for the new adventure ahead, but it is a little bittersweet. I got an email this morning that showed me the impact I've had on the kids I've been teaching for the past four months. When I told the members of my current middle school team I had accepted the offer at the other school, all of them expressed disappointment that I won't be there next school year. 

I expect my emotions will be on a bit of a roller coaster for the next week and half, until the last day of school. But somehow it all feels right. I am incredibly grateful I got to return to the school where I spent eight years teaching fifth grade with a great reception from students and families. I also learned that I love teaching middle schoolers to become more reflective readers and better writers. The past four months have healed an old wound and shown me a new side of myself as a teacher. I'm ready for the next chapter in my professional life.

Interviewing

So I had an interview today. Actually it was a second interview, where I had to teach a lesson to a group of eighth graders I had never met before. I will likely never see any of them again, even if I am offered the job, because they will be heading to high school in the fall. It's a weird thing, to teach a lesson as part of a job interview. It's not really a true look at someone's teaching style, but it is as close as you can get without going to a classroom that is actually theirs and watching them do what they do in their own space, with their kids.

Planning a lesson for kids I will only ever teach for the one class period is awkward. I don't know what skills they have or what kind of cross curricular connections or connections to their lives are possible. I am not afforded the opportunity to assign homework or let them think about an idea overnight and return to it the next day. Any course correction that I needed to make during the lesson still required all of the everything I was trying to accomplish to come to an end before the students were dismissed for lunch. 

I don't really know how it went. I had fun. I think some of the kids even got something out of the lesson that they can take with them to future writing assignments. But even during the lesson I was thinking about things I could have and should have done differently. There are at least five things I can think of without too much effort that I wish I had said that I didn't. I'm trying not to think about it too much.

I was able to identify the student who needed the most attention with writing. He had some fantastic ideas, but hesitated to put them into his brainstorm. He didn't start writing a paragraph at all. He was supposed to be elaborating on the sentence "I was angry." He preferred to engage in philosophical debate over getting angry vs. being inconvenienced. I really enjoyed this kid, and wished I had the privilege of spending more time working with him. When I lamented to the principal that I couldn't get this kid to write anything, he assured me, "No one can." But oh, the ideas locked in his brain. There has to be a way to unlock the potential inside this kid. But I digress...

On the way out, the principal asked to see the paragraphs the kids wrote and told me he was going to try to get back to me about a decision tomorrow or the next day. I'm trying not to read into the speed. I know the school year is coming to a close and he wants the whole thing wrapped up. Me too... I want to know what I'm doing next year.

Not My Circus?

I've been having a hard time finding time to write these past several weeks. Spring is a busy time of year for teachers. Arguably the busiest time of year. Besides all the usual report card time things to do, with the added detail that all units need to be wrapped up with a neat little bow - rather than just allowing some units to span two grading terms, we have end of the year student activities added to the mix. We've already had the eighth grade play, end of the year standardized testing, the fifth grade state presentations, and the annual school carnival. Still to come are the annual patrol field trip, the eighth grade dinner dance, eighth, grade graduation and baccalaureate mass, field day, and the variety show. There's the whole classroom cleanout thing too, but as a long-term sub, I have exactly five personal items in the classroom (and some cool pens that I brought in) that I will feel responsible for packing up and taking with me on the last day. 

One of the five personal items.

A surprise attack of compliments

from the extension kids one evening.

I love it, but it also makes me sad.

The whole part about being "just a sub" after spending half of the school year in the role is awkward, even more so as the school year closes out. The building is abuzz with plans for next year, conversations about new policies and grand expectations are everywhere.  I don't fit into all that, and it feels weird. My opinion, as a veteran teacher who used to work in the building, has been solicited many times, and I participate openly in all of these conversations... but somewhere in the back of my head I can't help but think to myself, "This is not my circus." I don't want to feel a vested interest in what comes next year for the school because I don't know that I'll be working there. If I start to care too much, It'll make it that much harder to leave at the end of the year.

I'm trying to keep the students engaged as we close out the school year. I am doing all of my regular end of the year reflective activities, which turns out to be a lot of letter writing. I'm taking advantage of the weather when I can, and holding lessons outside when possible. I'm planning collaborative activities, and thinking up ways to make lessons hands on.

Vocabulary Concentration

Reading outside

Collaboration

I also took an active roll in the carnival fun this year, volunteering for the "dunk tank." The school apparently had an actual dunk tank for a few years, but historically, and again this year, there is a person standing at the top of the outside stairs with a garbage can full of water and a bucket. When the target is hit, and often even when it's not, the bucket is dumped out, onto those below. 

The carnival is a lot of fun, and a great community building event for the school. For the next few weeks at least, I am a part of the community of this school.

Life Lessons From Middle School

Spring break is here, and with it comes a little time to reflect on the past six weeks in my life as a teacher. In many ways I no longer feel like "just a sub."  I'm working weekends and even during this break in order to grade and plan appropriately. I put together report cards and was part of the middle school team's conversation on a new grading policy.  I am attending meetings geared toward supporting specific needs of individual students and receiving requests from parents to meet about their child's academic progress.  I am part of ensuring afternoon carpool goes smoothly. I even had a conversation with a seventh grader who was surprised to learn that I am a substitute.

But the teacher came in for a visit with the staff recently, and a visit with the students last week.  No one knows for sure whether or not I will be finishing out this year, as the goal is for the regular teacher to return as soon as possible.  Last week I spent more time than I'd like to admit looking for a teacher's manual I hadn't used yet.  It's been challenging to plan not knowing for sure what these kids read earlier this year, or where they are in their grammar studies. I still don't know all the names of the primary teachers on the upstairs hallway, and might not even be able to pick out the faces of the preschool teachers.

So, I'm trying to take it one week and one unit at a time. Although I have no way to know whether or not the materials I am creating will be used ever again, I can't focus on that as I work to challenge these kids and increase their skill set according to the state standards. This living in the moment and not looking ahead to next school year is new to me. But I know I'm supposed to be focusing on my personal life this year, and allowing my professional life to take a back seat.

The moral that feels like it was written for me.

Hands down, my favorite moral.

In the meantime, I am still having a ton of fun. I had the sixth graders draw comic strips about an Old Testament story from their religion book. Their creativity, humor, and insight are informative and profound. 

The tradition is for the seventh graders to portray a living stations of the cross on Good Friday. The new seventh grade homeroom teacher made it her own this year, and changed up the presentation substantially. I had the privilege of helping them rehearse a couple of times during Holy Week. I promise you there is no enthusiasm quite like seventh grade boy enthusiasm. I am very blessed to be able to be a small part of educating these children.

Middle School ELA

I am loving the sub job I'm in right now.  I worked next door to the person who had basically the position I'm in now for eight years, and I always told her, "Better you than me." I saw all the long writing assignments she had to grade and I didn't know if I had enough mastery over grammar rules to teach English beyond fifth grade. But more than that, I didn't see myself as a middle school teacher. I had one sixth grade class for those eight years, and by the end of each school year I felt like they were topping out of my ability to connect with.

Fast forward three an a half years, and I feel very differently. Not about the long writing assignments to grade, but about everything else. I taught an eighth grade grammar lesson on gerunds as nouns, and had so much fun. I swear even some of the students were smiling as I kicked desks and chairs to remind them of the definition of a direct object. ("Mrs. Conrow kicked. Mrs. Conrow kicked the chair. What received the action?")

Maybe it's because I live with three teenagers, but I have had no problem connecting to these kids. One of the first days I was in this position, students were presenting newspaper articles to the class. There was an article about a bird that had died, and we were talking about how it seemed like it was supposed to be a "feel good" piece, except readers would be sad because the bird died. An eighth grader said, "They just wanted to take the place of Harambe." And I responded, "But that was so two years ago." Street cred instantly gained. There was an audible reaction around the classroom, gasps and giggles, and most everyone grinned as they recognized I knew at least a little something about their memes.

It's report card weekend in local Catholic schools. We are on a trimester system (think college quarters, only without summer quarter). I've only been in the position for a month, and even though my name won't appear on the report cards since I'm just a sub, it is my responsibility to finalize the report cards before they are printed. I was dreading this weekend, thinking I would be bogged down with too much work and not enough time. I spent Friday correcting work as quickly as possible as soon as it was turned in, and came home with only three sets of papers to score. Today I found myself ready to work on comments by mid-morning, and finished by early afternoon. It's a sunny Saturday, and I have free time! I say again, I am loving the job I'm in right now!

I have found myself already thinking of the students and classroom as "mine." Working in this building again, even though all of the classrooms are in different places and 80% of the staff is different, has really felt like a homecoming. Although I'm praying for a quick and full recovery for the teacher I'm subbing for, I know I will be sad when the job ends.