Decisions, Decisions

I spent the weekend discerning where I want to be next school year. The recovery of the teacher I am currently subbing for continues, slow and steady. I was offered the position for which I interviewed last week. The call came on Thursday evening, and I asked for the weekend to decide. Going into the weekend I was convinced that staying put was the logical decision, but the emotional side of me wanted to strike out on a new adventure. I didn't understand the emotional pull.  Actually, I still don't understand it.

I went out to dinner with my husband on Friday night to talk without the kids overhearing the maybes and taking them as definitelys. I left the restaurant convinced I would accept the offer of the new position on Monday morning. But on Saturday morning, as I sat in front of my plan book trying to fit in the remaining lessons among the end of year schedule interruptions, my heart grew heavy at the idea of leaving the community for a second time. The emotional pull flipped to the school where I spent the majority of my career, and had (once upon a time) thought I would stay for the remainder of it. 

Throughout the application and interview process, I remained convinced that staying put, if possible, was the commonsense decision. I believed that "on paper" - if I were to make a list of pros and cons - the current school with the sub job would win. But the gut feeling that going somewhere new was the right choice had been there from the moment I read about the job opening at the new school. The flip in my gut feeling on Saturday morning made me decide to sit down and actually write out the pros and cons of each position. I knew that there really wasn't a "wrong" decision or a bad choice, but I had to make a decision. 

I turns out, I can't think of a single specific con related to the new position, just a bunch of unknowns. The biggest unknown is the principal, who has yet to be hired for next school year. I'm perfectly aware that the unknowns are rife with possibility for several cons, but they are also rife with possibility of at least as many pros. On paper, the new position won out. I was very surprised. 

I signed a contract for next school year at the new school today. The outgoing principal took me on a tour and I was able to at least shake hands with two of the teachers on the middle school team I am joining. I'm very excited for the new adventure ahead, but it is a little bittersweet. I got an email this morning that showed me the impact I've had on the kids I've been teaching for the past four months. When I told the members of my current middle school team I had accepted the offer at the other school, all of them expressed disappointment that I won't be there next school year. 

I expect my emotions will be on a bit of a roller coaster for the next week and half, until the last day of school. But somehow it all feels right. I am incredibly grateful I got to return to the school where I spent eight years teaching fifth grade with a great reception from students and families. I also learned that I love teaching middle schoolers to become more reflective readers and better writers. The past four months have healed an old wound and shown me a new side of myself as a teacher. I'm ready for the next chapter in my professional life.