Middle School ELA

I am loving the sub job I'm in right now.  I worked next door to the person who had basically the position I'm in now for eight years, and I always told her, "Better you than me." I saw all the long writing assignments she had to grade and I didn't know if I had enough mastery over grammar rules to teach English beyond fifth grade. But more than that, I didn't see myself as a middle school teacher. I had one sixth grade class for those eight years, and by the end of each school year I felt like they were topping out of my ability to connect with.

Fast forward three an a half years, and I feel very differently. Not about the long writing assignments to grade, but about everything else. I taught an eighth grade grammar lesson on gerunds as nouns, and had so much fun. I swear even some of the students were smiling as I kicked desks and chairs to remind them of the definition of a direct object. ("Mrs. Conrow kicked. Mrs. Conrow kicked the chair. What received the action?")

Maybe it's because I live with three teenagers, but I have had no problem connecting to these kids. One of the first days I was in this position, students were presenting newspaper articles to the class. There was an article about a bird that had died, and we were talking about how it seemed like it was supposed to be a "feel good" piece, except readers would be sad because the bird died. An eighth grader said, "They just wanted to take the place of Harambe." And I responded, "But that was so two years ago." Street cred instantly gained. There was an audible reaction around the classroom, gasps and giggles, and most everyone grinned as they recognized I knew at least a little something about their memes.

It's report card weekend in local Catholic schools. We are on a trimester system (think college quarters, only without summer quarter). I've only been in the position for a month, and even though my name won't appear on the report cards since I'm just a sub, it is my responsibility to finalize the report cards before they are printed. I was dreading this weekend, thinking I would be bogged down with too much work and not enough time. I spent Friday correcting work as quickly as possible as soon as it was turned in, and came home with only three sets of papers to score. Today I found myself ready to work on comments by mid-morning, and finished by early afternoon. It's a sunny Saturday, and I have free time! I say again, I am loving the job I'm in right now!

I have found myself already thinking of the students and classroom as "mine." Working in this building again, even though all of the classrooms are in different places and 80% of the staff is different, has really felt like a homecoming. Although I'm praying for a quick and full recovery for the teacher I'm subbing for, I know I will be sad when the job ends.

Valentine's Day Eve

At a Catholic School it's bad form to have a party on Ash Wednesday. Therefore, Valentine's Day parties were held today. Before I started this long term sub job, it had already been decided that this class would spend the last two hours of the day watching The Princess Bride and making ice cream sundaes from a table set up by the room moms in the hallway. It was the calmest, best classroom party I've ever had to supervise. I'm a fan of movie parties, and will recommend them from now on to whatever class I'm teaching.

Never get involved in a land war in Asia.

Today was my fourth day in this classroom, but I still got a haul of candy from the kids. Some even came with notes like, "Thanks for being an awesome teacher." Both room moms made a point of introducing themselves to me, and telling me they are excited to have me as the long term sub.

Even more came may way after this photo was taken.

I finally made it out to carpool after school today, even though I knew I was supposed to be out there after school on my first day. Truthfully, I wasn't feeling very well every other afternoon so far, and used that as an excuse to pack up and duck out as early as possible. I rationalized that they haven't had a teacher in that carpool position for three weeks already, so they could do without for a bit longer. It wasn't the best attitude, but it was where I was physically and emotionally. But after going out this afternoon, I can't believe I waited so long to get out there. I saw many parents of former students who took pains to talk to me for a few minutes before they had to drive away. They were happy to see me and talked about their older kids, how they are doing, and/or how they wanted to come visit me now that I am back in the building. I was feeling the love today.

I am having fun teaching again. It might be as many as five years since I could say that with complete honesty. Right now, today, I don't feel bogged down by any part of the job. I am basking in the joys of teaching, in all the reasons I have felt called to this profession since I was a kindergartener.  I know I'm just a sub. I know there are long nights and stressful weekends of grading ahead as essays and papers are turned in.  I'm not sure how I'm going to write valuable comments on report cards in a few short weeks.  But right now, today, I love every part of this job.

First Days Back

Thursday marked the fourth time I had driven to the church/school since leaving my first fifth grade classroom for the final time, believing my teaching career was over, that I was no longer employable.  The first two times were for funerals, one for a teacher at the school, and one for a former fifth grade student of mine.  The third time was on Monday for the long term sub interview, and Thursday was for my first day in that long term sub position. Each of those four times, I had a physical reaction to driving up to the campus. Stomach churning, shaking hands, a vague tingling sensation everywhere, and a sense of complete dread.  On Monday before the interview I had to force myself to eat lunch. On Thursday before the school day, I had to force myself to eat breakfast. I was kind of irritated at my level of anxiety on Thursday, given the level of support I felt in the building on Monday and the positive responses to my last blog post. But even though I knew the anxiety was unfounded, it was there.

Two teachers who had been homeroom teachers while I was teaching fifth grade were also in the building subbing.  We all bumped into each other in the hallway before school started, along with the custodian who has been there since before I started teaching there. It was mini-reunion. It was a feel good moment, but when I went back downstairs, the smell of the building hit me - the same smell it has always had - and the good feelings dissolved. It really wasn't until the school day started and I was able to focus on the students that the anxiety subsided.

At lunchtime, I felt like my conversation dominated over the other ones at the table in the faculty room.  On Friday, I sat in the back of the room making lesson plans and grading papers while students took vocabulary quizzes and finished watching a movie they had started last week, on student appreciation day. I had a brief thought that I should be moving around the classroom in case the principal came to check in on the long term sub who had just started, but brushed it aside and kept working. That's when it hit me: I am a lot more confident than I used to be.

My examples may not seem like much, and given the crazy huge amounts of anxiety I had going into the sub gig, I see how that might not seem like a true statement. But I feel different from when I left. I am going to do what is right for the students, yes, but I am also doing what's best for me. 

One final anecdote from Friday. I wrote about Chad joking around and saying I was going to have a third long term sub position at the only other school I've worked at by the end of the school year. While I was at Mass with the sixth graders on Friday, I missed a phone call from the third school. I listened to the message during my prep period, and started laughing out loud. Their second grade teacher (who was a third grade student of mine when I taught there), is going on maternity leave and the principal wanted to know if I was interested in taking over her room for the duration of her leave. I was sad to have to call her back and say no, but I am really glad I am where I am right now and have this opportunity to heal.

Hello, Old Friends

Tomorrow I start another long term sub position in a building where I used to work. My husband is joking with me that by the end of the school year I will get a third long term sub position in the only other school where I have taught, completing the circuit, backwards. But since there is a possibility that this job could last until the end of the school year, I'm not holding my breath.

I'm excited but also nervous. This time it's a middle school English/Language Arts position. I know I can handle the subject matter and the students.  But I left this building three and a half years ago on a very, very sour note. The last set of fifth graders I taught graduated last year, mitigating the impact of the negative circumstances that surrounded my departure. But many families who know me from the eight years I taught there still have children in the school.  I think that's mainly a plus. I know I was well liked, even as I was leaving, by most families.  And based on the reaction I got from people in the building when I went in for the interview, there are still many people there who will be excited to see me. 

Most of the staff I taught with is gone. In fact, there is only one homeroom teacher left from the entire pre-K - 8 staff. They are even on their second new principal since I left.  The classrooms have almost entirely shuffled around, and the preschool is in the room I used to know as the faculty lounge.  So there will be a lot to get used to in a space that I used to know so well. 

I said in my previous post that I needed a job with less work or closer to home, or preferably both.  This school is closer to home, but sixth, seventh, and eighth grade ELA in a single class per grade level school might just be the most time consuming position to plan and grade.  Every class period is something new to plan; there are no duplicated classes with a different set of students.  There are also three classes of students to get to know and scaffold work to meet individual skill sets and ability levels.  Middle school writers are writing longer pieces, and the work of teaching 12-14 year olds to revise and edit their writing into well polished essays and stories takes close reading, meticulous attention to detail, and careful articulation of suggestions.

In the midst of all of this, I am still needed at home in a way I was not for the past several years.  I feel like I need to start making a list of ways to take little bits of time for myself in order to stay grounded.  Actually, I do already have such a list. I guess the goal is to use the ideas on it.

Another Goodbye

I rolled off subbing in my old classroom on Friday.  The new teacher finished a transformation of the classroom - complete room rearrangement and brand-new, colorful bulletin boards. She's establishing new classroom routines and getting to know the school routines. She's been meeting with parents upon their request, to get to know specific concerns parents have about their child, and to ease their anxiety over the third new teacher for their child since September.  Today it's just her in there without me. 

As I said in a previous post, I have mixed feelings about rolling off. Today it feels good to have time to do some laundry and write.  I was already missing the students last night.  And it also feels weird to have no where to be today. I enjoy working, but there's too much going on in my life.  I need less work, or something closer to home, or preferably both.  There are a few possibilities on the horizon, but nothing definite yet.

I did go out in style. My last day was the first "ski Friday" so half of the fifth graders were out of the building. I let the new teacher and the other fifth grade teacher have a day of planning.  The principal and I took all of the fifth graders who did not sign up to go skiing for a STEM Friday with a space theme.  I wore my flight suit and showed the kids where they can access NASA's video gallery. We made straw rockets out of different materials, which took much longer than anticipated. Toward the end of the day I played the "round peg in a square hole" clip from Apollo 13, and talked about creating a design knowing the end result required and the materials on hand, but having to come up with the process.  Students then attempted rubber band propeller planes with a photograph of the end result displayed and all the materials laid out for them.  They ran out of time to complete even one propeller plane, but they had fun. I'm thinking there may have been lots of straw rockets flying in fifth grade homes this weekend, and perhaps even one or two rubber band propeller planes.

The incoming teacher had the kids make me thank you posters and write me thank you letters. Their letters credit me with changing the culture of the class, making science fun, and bringing art back into their instruction.  I think many of them were genuinely sad to see me leave. I know I was sad to leave.

Ah, Fifth Grade

I've been back in my old classroom for four weeks and have just one more to go before I roll off this long term sub gig. I'm excited for the direction the class is taking, and the relationship I've built with their new teacher. We have both been in the classroom for the past week and a half, and will both be there through next week.  Last week I handed off the lead teacher role to her, and spent much of the last two days of the week seated at a table in the back of the room.  She has rearranged the furniture, re-done the bulletin boards, added color back into the room. Her layout doesn't quite match anything I would use for myself, but I understand it. The room feels cleaned up, more colorful, and is easier to be in - to the point that students literally asked, "Has that wall always been blue?" Um, yes. It was painted blue in the summer of 2016, so it's been blue the whole time this has been your fifth grade classroom. That's a good summary of how drab it felt at the beginning of the month in the space.

It's going to be easy to hand the class off to the new teacher. I have felt like we have been on the same page about EVERYTHING.  Okay, almost everything; she did change the layout of the room. I know she is going to take care of these kids and their needs. She is going to meet the students where they are and work with them and their families, or in spite of their families, to do what is best for each individual.  She will strive to help them achieve more academically than they thought possible, and have a gentle but firm handle on discipline.  She will celebrate the positive and endeavor to minimize the time spent on necessary redirections or handing out of consequences.

It's also going to be hard to leave.  I like this job. Well, really, I love it, and feel strongly that it was what I was meant to do. I'm pretty sure I'm pretty good at it. I have already built relationships with these kids, and walking away from them will be very, very difficult. I hope their new teacher remembers to have them write me letters. I promise to write them back!  There is also the glaring fact that I like to work. I am more balanced when I have something besides my kids and their needs to worry about. It's as true today with the addition of the foster-adopt process as it was when my biological kids were an infant and a toddler.  I'm going to miss having a place to go and be needed after my kids are out the door each morning come February 5.

I know I've said it before, but fifth graders are in the sweet spot between loving school and being too cool for school, for having a natural curiosity about everything, and finding one or two passions that make every other subject seem totally boring. It's the mushy middle of a K-8 school - they are not primary students, but neither are they middle schoolers yet.  It's the year where critical thinking begins to supplant the concrete-operational, black and white thinking of childhood. It's the place where you can have a student say in an oral report, "Only the lowlands of Pennsylvania have mountains," and no one in the class giggles or even smirks. (This happened last week, I swear it's a direct quote.) The kids in the audience fall into one of two camps; they

are either oblivious or too kind, too aware of how hard it is to get up in front of the class and speak, to react. It's the place where students begin to advocate for themselves, while still striving hard to meet the teacher's expectations.  Last week I had a student ask, "Mrs. Conrow, can you read cursive?" and when I said I could, he followed up with, "I mean, like, fifth grade cursive?" Yes, yes, I can. And more than that, I know what you mean with your question so I can gently tell you I have taught third graders to write in cursive, and can read even their cursive.  It's the place where a teacher's day can be made by reading in a student's letter to her parents, "Mrs. Conrow is so patient with us!"  It's a place where I feel I belong. 

Long Term Subbing

I started the calendar year back in my old classroom, my old space. Only it wasn't my space. Someone else had been in the room for four months, and left under less than desirable, less than normal circumstances. The outgoing teacher was out sick on the Thursday and Friday before the winter break. I know the sub who was in for her - she's amazing - but the room felt trashed: All kinds of paper stacks all over the room. A very large stack of ungraded work. Teacher's manuals in different locations all over the room. Barebones bulletin boards, and the set of posters collected by myself and the teacher who had the room before me, for 30 years, GONE.

I'm just a sub in for the month. I am a stop-gap. A short term solution. A band-aid for a very bad situation. Whatever the parent community thought of the outgoing teacher before I got there, I have heard nothing positive. It's understandable - they are angry and nervous. Their ten and eleven year olds will have had to learn the teaching style and expectations of three fifth grade teachers by the end of January.  The "real" new teacher begins Wednesday, but I'm staying on until February 2 in order to allow for a much more smooth second transition.

I've had a lot more fun than I expected. It's been overwhelming too, but every time I begin to worry about all the work, I've been able to remind myself that I'm not there for the remainder of the year. I'm just a sub. I get to have fun with the kids and do something I like and I'm good at, while trying to help further the education of twenty young people. I'm not attending meetings and cutting out as early as I can to get home to my kids... and there's been a lot going on there.

But I'm also relieved.  I get to do what I do for a month. The new teacher has already been hired, and I get to work with her - a much more seasoned teacher who has also been a principal - for two and a half weeks before I go back to being a stay at home mom who works on writing in any spare time I find.  I know I need to spend some time finding me again. I am a teacher. I am a mom. I am a wife. I like who I am. It's a good start, but I am not grounded right now. Hopefully writing will help with that.