Learning how to do eLearning

The past year has been fun, hard, and crazy. I have been non-renewed. My current school had a massive budget shortfall before COVID-19 and as my school was preparing for transitioning to eLearning I was told my contract would not be renewed. The same day I went into a meeting excited about all the new learning and skills I was gaining as we prepared for schools to shutter, I was told I wouldn't be able to continue working in the same building after June.

I started teaching online in mid-March as I started searching for a new job, as the world shut down. I can't tell you how difficult it is to search for a new job during a global pandemic nor how difficult it is to learn how to do my job in an entirely different way while wondering if I will ever teach again, whether teaching will ever be the same, and whether the world will ever by the same again. 

My thoughts have been all over the map. I feel selfish for worrying about my career while others battle a largely unknown disease, worry about paying their mortgage, where their next meal will come from, or whether they will ever recoup the financial losses of the past two months. I will be paid through August. My husband can work from home for however long is deemed necessary. But I can't stop wondering what is next for me. Will I teach again? I only have private school experience, in four different schools, with a non-renewal on my record. Will I ever be able to find a job outside of teaching?

So, I'm kind of a wreck.

I've been working my tail off reinventing my practices for an online format, teaching content I didn't get to last year - my first year in this building. My students this year are among the best I've ever had. Given that I've been teaching for the better part of 20 years that is saying a lot. Really, most of my current student are intrinsically motivated to learn. They literally say, "Thank you for the learning opportunity" when I assign something they'd rather not do but see the value in. They are amazing individuals with incredible potential. They have kept me going since the middle of March. I am no longer working for a school that let me go. Nor am I simply marking time until the end of the year during a global pandemic. I am working for these kids who deserve everything I can possibly give them. 

Teaching in an eLearning environment has been fun. I truly have enjoyed the process behind becoming an online teacher. I know there is so much I don't know when it comes to the technology I'm using, but I learn a bit more each day, a little more each week, a lot more each month. It's an amazing feeling for a self identified life-long learner to know I am continuing to learn each and every day of this pandemic. I am growing as an educator. I am growing as a person. 

I stop and cry. I rant at my husband. I text my friends. I don't know what's next for me. But I do know that even as I try to pull back and work less so I can find my next job, I need to do what is best for my students during this crazy, historic time we find ourselves in.