When Students Make Teachers Cry

 In my younger years, I was a crier. I'd cry in movie theatres or over books I was reading on a regular basis. Real life also made me cry, but to a lesser extent. Throughout my career I can think of two times parents made me cry. Situations or class dynamics have frustrated me, and I recall feeling overwhelmed at the many specific circumstances students in my class were handling at one time. Did those situations make me cry? I can't say that I recall. What I remember is feeling very deeply, and needing to discuss the situation (probably ad nauseam) with my husband.

But this week, a student or a small group of students did succeed in making me cry. We had some time to reflect on the school year after the eighth graders presented their Community Projects. The three different advisory groups were ready at different times, so when two of the groups were ready to move forward, I began the reflection process. I've had every class I've ever had write a letter to the incoming students offering suggestions and advice for their coming school year, and always begin the process with brainstorming the best and worst parts of the current school year. Since different groups of students were ready for this at different times, I created a Jamboard for them to post their ideas so everyone could refer back to it as they wrote their letters.

Although it was hurtful that students felt like it was okay to write "Mrs. Conrow" on the slide set aside for the worst parts of their eighth-grade year, that in itself would not have made me cry. I don't have to be everyone's favorite teacher, and I know many students were very disappointed that my predecessor left before they graduated. I can rationalize being the worst part of their year - they didn't get to have a beloved teacher teach them in their final year in the building.

However, I was hurt enough to shut off editing access and sat at my desk holding back tears when students added that the worst part of eighth grade was going to Washington DC and realizing Mrs. Conrow hadn't taught them anything all year.  

Students who had not been in the room when the offensive comments were written asked why they could not edit the Jamboard. I told them, "Your classmates' comments were offending me." So, naturally they asked their classmates what had happened. Two of the students who hadn't been in the room when student editing access had been cut came over to me to apologize on behalf of their classmates. One of them said, "Anyone who doesn't like Mrs. Conrow is crazy!" Their support helped, but not enough.

I held my emotions mostly in check until students were dismissed for the day, but when a fellow teacher complimented me at the end of the day, I started sobbing.  The other teacher urged me to email my principal about the situation, so I did before I left for the day.

I know middle schoolers have their own challenges and are not always mature about how they express themselves. But both comments appeared multiple times before I shut it down. I don't know if it was one student or more than one. I don't know if they thought they were being funny or if they believed what they wrote. I left school that afternoon not wanting to see my students the following day, and disappointed that the celebratory events for them left in the school year were now tainted for me.

The principal took over - gathering all of the eighth grades in my classroom after our "fun day" field trip. He had me leave, so I don't know what was said before I was invited back into the room. Many students had very kind words for me, and apologized for how the class had made me feel the previous day. They articulated the ways they noticed how hard I work with messages like:

• I work hard, putting my students ahead of myself and my family by going to camp and DC and arriving at school very early every morning.
• I show them I care by handwriting and sending them postcards regularly.
• They already had background knowledge of much of what they saw in DC because of what I taught them this year.
• I came up from 4th grade this year and was still able to provide rigor for 8th graders.

It seemed like everyone had more than one compliment to give me. So I am spending this weekend trying to feel the meaning behind this video created by Kristina Kuzmic. I know the compliments and good feelings from my students outweigh the negativity I felt last week. I just have to move that idea from the logical part of my brain into my emotional state as I help celebrate the graduation of these kids tomorrow.