Self-Care Summer

 A good friend of mine, who is not a teacher, decided that she and I needed to do a self-care summer. She got us coordinating journals and we met one evening to drink beer (we usually drink wine) and decide what #selfcaresummer means for us. She brought the journals and stickers, I brought the colored pens.

We wanted to make sure what we decided to do was actually doable, so that if we slip up we won't throw in the towel entirely. She wanted us to be accountable to each other, and to the wider world - so our steps for accountability are:

• record the self-care actions we take
• debrief with each other at least twice a month
• reflect in writing at least weekly
• share something about our self-care journey with others at least weekly

I am a list maker, and my main goal is to begin to shed the 75 pounds I have gained in the last 4 years. (I hit perimenopause as COVID shut the world down, and as my metabolism returned to normal after being in a constant state of anxiety from fostering kids who needed much more support than I was trained to provide.)

So far, I have been adding to the things to do daily list, but not yet accomplishing the entire list. But my daily to do lists have me clearing little spaces of clutter and making my house a more comfortable place to be. It's only been four days, so there's still hope for accomplishing the entire list one of these days.

When Students Make Teachers Cry

 In my younger years, I was a crier. I'd cry in movie theatres or over books I was reading on a regular basis. Real life also made me cry, but to a lesser extent. Throughout my career I can think of two times parents made me cry. Situations or class dynamics have frustrated me, and I recall feeling overwhelmed at the many specific circumstances students in my class were handling at one time. Did those situations make me cry? I can't say that I recall. What I remember is feeling very deeply, and needing to discuss the situation (probably ad nauseam) with my husband.

But this week, a student or a small group of students did succeed in making me cry. We had some time to reflect on the school year after the eighth graders presented their Community Projects. The three different advisory groups were ready at different times, so when two of the groups were ready to move forward, I began the reflection process. I've had every class I've ever had write a letter to the incoming students offering suggestions and advice for their coming school year, and always begin the process with brainstorming the best and worst parts of the current school year. Since different groups of students were ready for this at different times, I created a Jamboard for them to post their ideas so everyone could refer back to it as they wrote their letters.

Although it was hurtful that students felt like it was okay to write "Mrs. Conrow" on the slide set aside for the worst parts of their eighth-grade year, that in itself would not have made me cry. I don't have to be everyone's favorite teacher, and I know many students were very disappointed that my predecessor left before they graduated. I can rationalize being the worst part of their year - they didn't get to have a beloved teacher teach them in their final year in the building.

However, I was hurt enough to shut off editing access and sat at my desk holding back tears when students added that the worst part of eighth grade was going to Washington DC and realizing Mrs. Conrow hadn't taught them anything all year.  

Students who had not been in the room when the offensive comments were written asked why they could not edit the Jamboard. I told them, "Your classmates' comments were offending me." So, naturally they asked their classmates what had happened. Two of the students who hadn't been in the room when student editing access had been cut came over to me to apologize on behalf of their classmates. One of them said, "Anyone who doesn't like Mrs. Conrow is crazy!" Their support helped, but not enough.

I held my emotions mostly in check until students were dismissed for the day, but when a fellow teacher complimented me at the end of the day, I started sobbing.  The other teacher urged me to email my principal about the situation, so I did before I left for the day.

I know middle schoolers have their own challenges and are not always mature about how they express themselves. But both comments appeared multiple times before I shut it down. I don't know if it was one student or more than one. I don't know if they thought they were being funny or if they believed what they wrote. I left school that afternoon not wanting to see my students the following day, and disappointed that the celebratory events for them left in the school year were now tainted for me.

The principal took over - gathering all of the eighth grades in my classroom after our "fun day" field trip. He had me leave, so I don't know what was said before I was invited back into the room. Many students had very kind words for me, and apologized for how the class had made me feel the previous day. They articulated the ways they noticed how hard I work with messages like:

• I work hard, putting my students ahead of myself and my family by going to camp and DC and arriving at school very early every morning.
• I show them I care by handwriting and sending them postcards regularly.
• They already had background knowledge of much of what they saw in DC because of what I taught them this year.
• I came up from 4th grade this year and was still able to provide rigor for 8th graders.

It seemed like everyone had more than one compliment to give me. So I am spending this weekend trying to feel the meaning behind this video created by Kristina Kuzmic. I know the compliments and good feelings from my students outweigh the negativity I felt last week. I just have to move that idea from the logical part of my brain into my emotional state as I help celebrate the graduation of these kids tomorrow.

Eighth Grade Trip to DC

I bridged May and June in the nation's capital with 27 eighth graders. We flew out on my husband's birthday. When my alarm went off at 4:30am he rolled over and said, "Have a safe flight." I replied, "Happy birthday!" As he rolled back over and drifted back to sleep, he said, "Yay!" I might have texted him that night. I'm not sure. We flew into Dulles and boarded a bus for a three-hour drive to be near Jamestown for the next morning.

My previous experience with DC was with my husband and kids visiting my sister-in-law and her family when her husband was in the Airforce and working in the Pentagon - over a decade ago. Visiting family in DC is much more relaxing than taking a World Strides tour with students. Although, I have to say that queuing for the metro after watching the fireworks on the national mall with five children in tow - one in a stroller, was probably the most claustrophobic I have ever felt in my entire life.

I loved the trip with my students, but my immediate take-aways don't sound all that positive. First of all, it was incredibly exhausting. Our itinerary was packed, but we still didn't see nearly as much as we could have. Students were dehydrated and over-tired, asking for medication for their headaches while refusing to take off their sweatshirts or drink the water, saying it wasn't hot and the water tasted bad. (For the record, it was hot. Also I didn't notice a flavor to the water, but regardless, staying hydrated is a bit more important than how water tastes when you are taking 15,000+ steps outdoors with high temps.) I also felt a bit overwhelmed at the idea of taking over running the trip next year, after the other teacher on the trip moves to California and the job of orchestrating this annual adventure falls to me.

In an interesting coincidence, the teacher who ran the trip this year has the same birthday as my husband, so he spent his birthday traveling with 27 students, with a dinner stop at a southern grocery store/restaurant. We couldn't let his big day go unnoticed.

A huge highlight of the trip for the kids was our main World Strides guide, Mr. David. The students LOVED him. At least two students cried when it was time to say goodbye to him. He was pretty impressive. Mr. David had a complete lesson plan for one of our first stops with him at the MLK Memorial, and the students were excited to report back to him about the quotation that meant the most to them and why.

While I am excited that I get to go again, and full of ideas about how to structure my lessons next school year to lead naturally up to this trip, my knee injury was a big problem on this trip. I took as many opportunities as I could to sit down in order to rest, but on the last day, I took the tram tour in Arlington National Cemetery, missing seeing the grave of the grandfather of one my students as well as the majority of the student experience there. When we stopped at the Korean War memorial and Pentagon 9/11 memorial before lunch, I decided to get right back on the bus as soon I used the restroom. My knee was done.

I've been home for a full week, but my knee is still quite unhappy. Aleve, ice, my cane, and a prescription topical gel have made mobility possible. Here's to hoping that my appointment next week to discuss the MRI will prove beneficial to my overall healing.

l am headed back to Mount Vernon in a month for professional development through the George Washington Teacher Institute. I hope I get to have a tour of the mansion that doesn't feel like I'm being herded through as fast as possible, and I can't wait to bring what I learn to my students next year, both in the classroom and on next year's trip to DC.