Flashy Me?

I had a co-worker I don't know very well tell me recently that I'm flashy. To be fair, we were taking about my purple car, purple hair, and matching sunflower shoes and mask. Okay, I see his point. I do "commit to a theme" as some of my other co-workers have called it, when I wear flamingo shoes, shirt, and earrings. I enjoy putting outfits together, and I am the reason my husband and I bought a plum crazy Challenger. My colored hair brings me joy (and keeps me from cutting it short again). I just switched from purple to blue, and can't wait to see my students' reactions on Monday morning.

But, flashy? Me? It's almost laughable. I was the high school student who never raised her hand in class because I could literally feel my heart pounding with anxiety at the mere thought of speaking up in class. I was the voter who attended a caucus in my 30s, and had specific points that would have added value to the discussion, but did not say anything. I am the 20+ year seasoned teacher who will share my ideas with my teammates, but not contribute to the whole group discussion at a staff meeting.

Even though I'm still working on speaking up in groups, I have gained confidence over the years. I credit my husband with most of my ability to feel free to be myself. But teaching certainly has helped. Teaching middle schoolers and developing connections with them gave me a safe space to showcase my zany side outside my home. I felt free to stand on desks, dance around the room, and generally put on a show for them each and every day. I remember clearly one student who asked me several times about my high school experience as she was preparing herself for hers. She was convinced that I was popular and outgoing in high school. From what she saw of me in the classroom, my flashy side, I could see how she came to that conclusion. I don't know if she believed me when I told her the truth: I was super shy and didn't feel like I had any real friends until maybe my junior year of high school.

When I was in high school I never would have thought I'd be someone with a "rebellious" hair color or even someone who dressed in a way that stood out. Mind you, I don't dye my hair or "commit to a theme" with my outfits in order to stand out - I do it because it makes me happy. But now that I am comfortable enough, confident enough in myself and who I am, I do make fashion choices that stand out and cause others to comment. I didn't peak in high school, and frankly, I'm glad. I'm in my mid-40s and I hope I still have a lot of life left to live on this earth. I like to think that the best years are yet to come.

Does that make me flashy?