I Didn't Eat It

 What?

You heard me: I. Didn't. Eat. It.

I came up with this phrase at some point during my eleven years teaching fifth grade. Kids continually complain that they can't find their belongings (pencils, markers, glue, homework, binder, textbook, sweatshirt... the list is endless). Often they outright ask their teacher (or parent) where it is. I can't find my...? Have you seen...? Where is...? Some are quite demanding, whether in tone or frequency, or both. One day, in response to one of my more insistent students, the words that came out of my mouth were, "I didn't eat it." It stopped the kid in his tracks. His mouth opened, but he had no idea how to respond. Of course, the other kids laughed. Seconds later, he found whatever item had been misplaced. It stuck. I've said it multiple times to every class I've had since - which now spans fourth through eighth grades.

Over the years it has also become a constant refrain in my home. My husband and I say it to each other and to our kids. My kids have long since stopped being amused. I remember clearly my then middle schooler saying one day, "Mom, I know you didn't eat it, but have you seen my...?" But more often I get, "Mom, will you STOP saying that? It's NOT helpful!" Over decade later, the phrase still amuses me. 

I said these four words to my current class of fourth graders for the very first time yesterday. One of my more dramatic students misplaced his pencil between our last activity before lunch and our first activity after recess. A spectacular search ensued, with opening and closing of his desk, crawling on the floor, and lots of shifting items around, all with wildly waving arms. An accompanying distracted monologue topped off the show, to which 95% of the class was glued. "Where's my pencil? I know I had it. I put it here. I can't find my pencil..." The spectacle lasted less than a minute before I casually responded to one of the "Where's my pencil?" questions with, "I didn't eat it."

At the time I said it, I was walking toward the computer with our lone Zoom student to reposition her view for the next lesson. She snorted. Other kids giggled. The child with the missing pencil said, "What? That doesn't make any sense!"  Seconds later, he found his pencil.