1. Assume Positive Intent.
In my heart of hearts, I know everyone wants life to get back to "normal" - the way it was before the novel corona virus interrupted. And that includes getting kids back in classrooms, five days per week for the entirety of a school day. Teachers want this as much as anyone. So when plans appear to overlook the myriad of adults that are required to report into a building where they will have anywhere from dozens to hundreds of close, prolonged contacts on a daily basis, I need to put on my "assume positive intent" glasses and recognize that the intent of these plans is to put normalcy back into the lives of children and families and those are good things.
On the flip side, I would prefer for people to stop saying negative things about teachers who are apprehensive about returning to work during a global pandemic. I have read that some think parents should get teachers' salaries for "homeschooling" their kids while teachers take a "vacation," that food delivery employees have been working this whole time and are doing just fine, that teachers knew what they were getting into as far as how germy children are when they went into their profession, and that grocery store workers are "braver" than teachers who are whining about returning to do their jobs. This actual list of negative comments is much longer, but the problem I have with these statements is I have trouble finding the positive intent in them. They make me want to point by point knock down the ideas they profess and send me into a spiral of negative thinking. The downward spiral of my own thinking is why I am choosing not to spend time actually defending myself as a teacher against these ideas. Instead, I am asking that those who have shared these ideas really try to think from the perspective of classroom teachers and other school employees and notice that there are many, many valid reasons for apprehension about what will happen when kids and adults go back into schoolhouses.
2. Listen for the Meaning in the Message.
Another way to say this is to listen for the positive intent. Sift through the statements and try to figure out what the other person means to say, not what you hear with your first knee-jerk reaction. I said I have a hard time finding the positive intent in the examples of negative messages I have come across recently. But if I take the time to reflect past my initial negative reactions, I can see that people who make and share these statements do in fact place a high value on getting kids back into classrooms. Their motivation might be different than mine, but it is definitely a positive that so many people are so motivated to get schools up and running again, and see school as an essential part of family life. As an educator, it's heartening that closed schools are a cause for massive concern among Americans.
If you just can't find the positive intent there are two actions you should attempt before walking away in disgust, or worse, throwing your knee-jerk negativity back at the other person. The first is to take the time to reflect on the intent of their message beyond your initial, upset reaction. It's not fun because it requires that you think about an upsetting idea for longer than an instant, and because it does mean admitting your initial reaction was not entirely correct. But self-reflection and an ability to admit when you are (gasp) wrong, are signs of maturity and intellect. The other step you can take is to ask questions for clarification. This can be tricky because tone of voice and word choice can make or break the outcome of discourse on an inflammatory, divisive topic. When the discourse is online it's even harder because tone can easily be misinterpreted. But if you truly are doing your best to assume positive intent, it is worth trying to dig a little deeper into upsetting ideas until you find the positive intent within the message.
3. Make an Informed Decision.
We all have our own opinions on every important issue of the day. But where did these opinions spring from? Are they the opinions of our parents or community? Do your own research on the issues and whenever possible get some primary source information. Before you opine on the Confederate flag, read the secession documents from the states that flew it during the Civil War. Before you choose an option for your kids returning to school look at data from your area and listen to doctors and educators in your area, preferably ones you already know and trust.
Making and informed decision is not a quick process. It requires you to do some leg work of your own, rather than clicking on links provided by others who are trying to persuade you to their line of thinking. You should look at ideas from sources across political, racial, and economic spectrums with an open mind, being willing to learn and change your own opinion should you run into new information from a reliable source.
When done correctly, researching not only allows you to come to your own conclusions, it has the added benefit of showing you that whatever the issue is, there are many more than two sides. There are lots of possible positions to take on any issue that stirs up emotions, and the decision you come to for yourself is unlikely to be the "right fit" for others. Parents of toddlers and preschoolers have a different set of concerns than those of elementary kids, and parents of high schoolers have yet another set of factors to consider. My kids are teenagers, one has just graduated from high school and the other will be entering into his sophomore year. I can trust them to take care of their own needs with just a few check ins throughout the day. The child care aspect of school is not an issue for me, but it is for my neighbors who have three kids under the age of seven. My decisions about the coming school year will have to fit the parameters of my life, and I should not try to impose my choices on someone who has an entirely different set of circumstances to consider.
4. Take Time for Self-Care.
When the world is spinning in directions not of your choosing and so many things are out of your control, take time to control the things you can. Figure out what calms you down and make time to do it. For one of my kids we figured out years ago that if we saw a behavior escalation coming on, it was time to suggest a long, hot shower. We had to let go of our worries about water consumption because it really did the trick of giving our child time to think and reflect and come back into conversation with a calmer demeanor. My other kid needs to walk away and read. After diving into a fictional world for an hour or so, he is ready to think a little more calmly about the real world. I need to write. I journal, blog, write letters, stories or poems, most of which are never viewed by the public. But I always have one or two little notebooks in my purse at the ready. Everyone in your family will likely have a different calming activity. Self care options are as varied as people. What calms one person's "triggers" might serve to spin someone else up.
From my time as a foster parent I know that it's important to identify and mitigate triggers to negative behaviors or thinking. But in order to do effective mitigation, you have to know what calms you down. Figure out your own personal method, but recognize that there are also universal needs to consider. When every option irritates me and I can't seem to think beyond that irritation, I probably need to eat or sleep. I have been known to go to bed mad at someone or something, and wake up with an entirely new outlook on the situation. My own child is generally obnoxious if she doesn't get a hit of protein throughout the day. Adequate sleep and proper nutrition are the cornerstones for everyone's self care. Once basic needs are adequately addressed, figure out a simple activity or two that calms you and do everything you can to build them into your daily routine. Making a habit out of activities that fill your soul means that you might be able to fall back on it without someone suggesting it to you. And if a loved one does suggest it, you will be less likely to bite their head off for expressing care and concern.
Good luck with the hard decisions coming your way this fall. Most of us are picking among options that all seem like bad choices. Finding the least bad option in the bunch is stressful and anxiety provoking, but it doesn't have to cost you friends or create tension within your family.
No comments:
Post a Comment